Jace 'n' Place: Insights

The Last Lecture

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 19:09:30 GMT

Hypothetically, if you knew that you were going to die and you had one last lecture, what would you say to your students? Randy Pausch (more about him), a professor of Carnegie Mellon University and a married father of 3 young children, has terminal stage pancreatic cancer and had just given his one last lecture to his students.

If there are times when you find it hard to go on in life, you might be inspired by the candor of his presentation to live your life to the fullest, to realize your dreams, to give joy to others and to help others along to realize their dreams too:

Click here for smoother stream "Time Management" by Randy Pausch (subtitled version)

As a rejoinder, you can read a summary by Wilfrid over here as well. This is easily the best lecture that I have ever *attended*! Do come in and listen too.

Courage Against Cancer

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 19:10:41 GMT

I decided to spend the night with my mum in her ward just now, but I had to leave after midnight. There was just no way I could calm her down with my presence, and the sense of disappointment and despair is deeply etched...

The last stage of cancer is always an agonizing and cruel journey for both the patient and family. One can feel deeply painful to watch helplessly his or her dearest person worsen day by day, and being unable to fulfil all the last wishes. This is also one of the hardest to cope with. A story of strength and courage in the face of adversity, from which I could draw parallels with the story in many instants in the latter; Mr Nithiah Nandan was a brave man with a wonderful family:

Veteran unionist Nithiah Nandan knew something was wrong when he couldn't shake off a fever and he was fast losing weight. When medical tests in July 2005 showed he had cancer in the kidney, the 55-year-old started the last battle of his life, as chronicled in a recently-published book on his life and career.

Fever that didn't go

Weekend • February 23, 2008

"(In July 2005) the doctor told us 'Renal cell carcinoma. Stage Four. Incurable.' I am sure he didn't say it so bluntly, but that's all I heard.

"I had been given my death sentence. I felt blur. My wife and daughter broke down. I had to calm them. But they were inconsolable. I asked my doctor: 'How long do I have? Be frank.' He said: 'Eight months to 12 months.' My doctor said the treatment he will recommend could only prolong my life and maintain or improve my quality of life."

Nithiah was put on two drugs — erlotinib and bevacizumab. Erlotinib, he took orally every day, and bevacizumba, intravenously every fortnight.

"My doctor warned me of severe side effects. I said: 'Go ahead.'

"The side effects were horrible. I had pimples all over my face. Then, there were the frequent vomiting, diarrhoea and a constant sore throat. I responded to the treatment initially, but the cancer progressed and the treatment could no longer help me. It was stopped."

On Jan 19, 2006, Nithiah was started on a different course of medicines, Interferon and capecitabine. Interferon was given by injection three times a week. The injection was through the stomach. Vimalla (wife), Yoges and Pravita (daughters) had to learn how to do it as they were going to be his caregivers.

"It was torture.""After the injection, I would start shivering. Each time, I shivered for more than one hour. I also had fever and vomited frequently.

"On March 1, 2006, my doctor started me on sunitnib malate, an oral-based treatment which I took daily. It gave me hiccups. Non-stop hiccups. It was terrible. I couldn't talk to anyone. I was fatigued, but I couldn't sleep because of the hiccups.

"Everything I ate also tasted strange. But I wasn't eating much because of the hiccups. Nobody knew what to do. I had to be admitted to the hospital.

"Even in hospital, nobody knew what to do about my hiccups. Then one day, Dr Alethea Yee, a consultant at Pallative Medicine, came to see me. She gave me Detinox, colic drops for infants. After I took it, my hiccups stopped. I was so thankful.

"I continued with my medication and I continued to shiver and vomit. But at least, I didn't have hiccups. I felt I wasn't getting any better. I suspected I would not get any better."

Yoges was already 25 and Nithiah wanted to see her married.

"I spoke to the young man she was seeing and he agreed to marry her as soon as possible. That was in April 2006. They had to bring the forms from the Registry of Marriages to me. On my hospital bed, I signed them. There were other things to do: The wedding invitations, the celebrations. All this, Yoges and her younger sister had to prepare on the floor next to my hospital bed."

Then, Nithiah went home. He was put on a trial drug.

"I had another set of side effects — fever, rashes, nausea and vomiting ... The drug burnt my tongue and I lost my sense of taste. When the fresh tests and scan results came in, my doctor (Dr Tay Miah Hiang) told me the drugs didn't work.

"(He) asked: 'Would you like to have the tumour removed? He didn't know what else could be done ... The only option he could offer was surgery. And it would be a serious and major surgery.

"Dr Tay had tried everything humanly possible ... I said: 'OK. Let's go for surgery. I'm already dying. Let me take the risk.'

"He talked to Professor Soo Khee Chee, the director of the National Cancer Centre.

"The director saw me. Then he took me to the Tumour Board. There were 15 of them present. Only half of them were confident that I would pull through the surgery. The director said: 'The operation is dangerous. I want to see your family.'''

On the appointed day, Nithiah went with his family to see the professor.

"It must have been the worst decision they had ever to take. The operation could save my life. It could also kill me. My wife and children were dumbfounded.

"After much tears, they finally told me: 'If you go through the operation and it is successful, we can see you for a few more years. If you don't, we don't know how long more we can see you alive. Whatever decision you take, we will respect it.'

"My cancer forced my family to make the most difficult decision of their lives."

On July 6, 2006, the surgery team made a resection of the retroperitoneal lymph node and left kidney. The operation lasted nine hours.

"My family, they were sitting outside the operation suite all those hours. Then I was in the Intensive Care Unit for four days ... I had pulled through the operation.

"Later, my doctor told me I had another tumour. This one was next to my stomach.

"On Nov 30, 2006, I underwent surgery to remove and intrabdominal herniation of small intestine. Two days before Yoges' wedding on Dec 15, 2006, my doctor discharged me. I went back home in a wheelchair and, at the wedding, I was in a wheelchair.

"After the wedding, my doctor said he had another drug. It was not for kidney cancer. It was for another type of cancer. I agreed to give it a try.

"After three months, my condition worsened. My doctor called for a discussion. My wife was also there.

"I told him: 'No use already. Stop the treatment. This was about a week from the end of that course of treatment on April 26, 2007."

Nithiah was prescribed morphine to manage the pain. Four, five times a day, 5ml each time. In syrup form.

"I have a wonderful family. I regret very much that I have made them go through all kinds of problems, when I was well, and when I became unwell. They stood by me very strongly. They would come to the hospital and stay there with me. After my first operation, my wife ... she sat beside my bed for 23 days.

"I am very, very fortunate. God has given me a very good wife and very good children. They suffer with me at home. I would vomit and they will clean up. When I need to go to the toilet, they would hold me. You know, I can't walk and sit up on my own anymore. It is so important to have a good wife and good children. Money is not the important thing.

"The doctor told me that as a doctor, he could not predict when I would die ... I told the doctor, I've survived two years. You told me eight months to 12 months. Now, I've lived nearly 24 months.

"I don't regret the fight against cancer. I fought because I owe it to my wife and children. As a union leader, I made them make sacrifices. I wanted at least to see Yoges get married. Pravita is not of marriageable age. I would have liked to see her graduate. But that is not possible."

These are excerpts from a chapter in the book, Gritty Nithi — The Remarkable Life of Nithiah Nandan — Comrade and Champion. Written by Shirley Tan-Oehler, the book is based on a series of interviews she had with Mr Nithiah six weeks before he died at age 57 on June 21, 2007. The article was reproduced courtesy of the National Trades Union Congress. The book is available at all major bookshops.

Source: TODAYOnline (pdf)

Insight Meditation

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 12:42:11 GMT

There are times when I am momentarily calm and keenly aware of my emotions and the surroundings, but in reality, these moments are few and far in between. In a typical day, my mind will *naturally* revolve around endless thoughts, worries, hopes and the corresponding myriad of emotions, even when sitting down quietly without doing anything. Recently, I came across an article on insight meditation that allows me to gradually come to grips with the natural state of the mind.

“The Mind is a complex of forces, or some may prefer to call them energies. Try to sit quietly and watch your thoughts and you will see them at work. It is endlessly trying to create new situations, real or otherwise, and respond to them.”

“The main controlling faculty of the mind is mindfulness. Remember the moments when you were calm and composed? The awareness that comes with them is also bright and clear. As a direct opposite of it are those times you were panic-stricken or completely confused. Therefore, with mindfulness you can do any job as well as you possibly can, be it driving a car, cooking a meal or answering some examination questions. But this potential is not recognized as much as other things, like faith and concentration, and so is not emphasized. If we are to develop it until it is really strong, lasting and revealing, then life will breeze by, if not ecstatically, then at least smoothly.”

“If it goes without saying that with mindfulness the mind is pure of defilements such as greed, anger and delusion, then it will also mean that it draws the line between genuine happiness and suffering. We can understand why anger and delusion are suffering but not greed, especially when it comes with joy. That is because joy tends to muffle the real state of mind. Take away the joy and what do you have left? There will be a really restless state of craving and tenacious clinging. It is like someone who is hungry. Therefore, if you will have real happiness, then look for peace of mind that is born of purity and mindfulness.”

“The main idea is to develop this awareness until it becomes habitual and continuous, and then apply it for more specialized purposes, such as gaining knowledge and skills.”

*excerpts from “For the Stilling of Volcanoes”

I am looking into insight meditation as a mean of finding peace and mindfulness in my daily life. Indeed, meditating is not at all easy, and even the simplest act of observing (being mindful rather than focused on) the rising and falling of my abdomen in the course of normal breathing can be frustratingly hard. However, I understand that mindfulness comes with practice so it is a matter of patience, esp. as a lifelong integration into my daily routines =)

Here are the main articles (in pdf format) that I referred to, that you may find them helpful:

For the Stilling of Volcanoes by Venerable Sujiva
Practical Vipassana Meditation Exercises by Venerable Mahasi Sayadaw
Living Meditation, Living Insight by Dr. Thynn Thynn

More information can be found at Insight Meditation Online.

Positive Vibes

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 05:45:06 GMT

I cannot help but be strongly motivated by such an apt and inspiring piece of advice from Kloudiia to an industrious and wonderful person with a speech impediment. Moreover, the refreshing way she brought across her points to him serve to compel me in reflecting on the constant inclination to harp on my own inaptitudes. Just where are my inherent strengths?

Quote

Stop focusing on things and people you don’t want to focus.
Start focusing on things and people you want and should be focusing.
Focus on those sniggers and you get hurt.
Focus on those blessings and you get blessed.
Positive vibes are very contagious. People who caught it will like to be around you, for they find you to be a good company.
Don’t wait for others to pass these good vibes to you. Be proactive, be a leader. Start having these yourself and pass to others instead.
“How To Approach A Girl… Because If I Speak Friends Sneered At Me”

`·.¸¸.☁‧: From Kloudiia :‧☁,.¸¸.·´

You have to read this article =)

Keep Believing

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 04:57:13 GMT

你不能决定生命的长度，但你可以控制它的宽度。你不能左右天气，但你可以改变心情。

你不能改变容貌，但你可以展开笑容。你不能控制他人，但你可以掌握自己。

你不能预知明天，但你可以利用今天。你不能样样顺利，但你可以事事尽力。

以下是Deanna Beisser 的作品，希望你能从中获得启发。

我也希望你能超越另一个自己，全力耕耘自己的梦！希望在明天，要加油！^^

Keep Believing in Yourself and Your Special Dream

There may be days when you get up in the morning, and things aren't the way you hoped they would be. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better.

There are times when people disappoint you and let you down, but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgements and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of.

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them. Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are, and you will also see yourself developing into the person you have always wanted to be.

Life is a journey through time, filled with many choices: each of us will experience life in our own special way. So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilites, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be, because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the dreams that you know are meant to come true for you.

Changes

When changes happen in our lives, what really matters is that we try our best to deal with the situation. If we make an effort towards working things out, then we give ourselves the opportunity to decide our fate and make choices about which way our futures may lead us.

Being happy and content doesn't mean living in a world of perfect harmony; rather, it means that you allow yourself to flow with the music that plays in your life. Enjoy the different melodies of each unique day.

Be flexible and easygoing; you'll be surprised at how much better you feel when you don't try to control everything.

But also be ready to make choices and follow through on them, because they are the decisions that will influence all aspects of your life.

Always remember that positive thinking allows the songs in your heart to make beautiful sounds for everyone to enjoy.

About Deanna Beisser

Deanna Beisser has written for Blue Mountain Arts for over twenty-five years, sharing her thoughts and feelings about love and and her personal philosophies on the different stages in life she has experienced.

Hope Lies In Tomorrow

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 15:33:45 GMT

那天偶然看了妙手仁心III的其中一集，觉得在剧情最尾的部分，吴启华和黎姿的对话都很有意义。。

"你知不知道，一个人的精神就好比一根橡皮筋。拉得多会断的。" - 吴启华

"也许橡皮筋自己也无能为力。拉得太紧，它自己也很辛苦，但是没办法。自己也不可能放松。倒不如干脆什么都不想，也许稍后会遇到什么事或者什么人，橡皮筋会自自然然的放松下来。" - 黎姿

当他叙述自己的经历后，也说到：

"为什么会是我呢？在最伤心的时候，我不想见任何人。最后我就跑来这里，看这里的日出，我忽然醒悟。当我看着太阳慢慢升起，我才醒觉到其实这个世界上，每件事情，不管多么难过，多么困难也好，都会过去的。新的一天，新的希望，始终会来的。我是过来人，我很明白伤心的滋味。我也知道如何从伤心痛苦中站起来。我希望你跟我一样，看到日出，就会明白到，原来希望就在明天。" - 吴启华

我把MV 放了在网上，让你从中也能感觉到所传达的美妙情感与鼓励：

看的当儿也听到了一首很好听的插曲，想跟大家分享：

歌名：No Matter What 歌手：Angel

Doesn’t matter whom you are with.
Doesn’t matter where you are going.
Don’t you know I’m still waiting here for you,
and pray for you.

In the sunny days, sun will light your day.
In the windy days, wind will lead your way.
I have to say, you’re my treasured moments.
Never gonna walk away.

In the rainy days, rains will share my tears.
In the stormy days, storms will steal my pain.
Just go your way and leave things all behind.
Spread your wings and fly away.

I’m pretending you’re mine,
and wishing you’ll be fine.
The moments we share never die.
You made a difference to my life,
and let me realize the feeling I get deep inside.

Updates（Mar 07）：这首歌曲还未能在任何专辑里找的到，所以我没有完整的歌曲。希望TVB能发原声大蝶！至今，已经在两部港剧“妙手仁心III”（保龄球场里）与“岁月风云”（摩天轮上）播放过。想听一下两个部分合起来的版本吗？=)

listen

Steps To Happiness

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 15:51:45 GMT

Everybody Knows: You can't be all things to all people. You can't do all things at once. You can't do all things equally well. You can't do all things better than everyone else. Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.

So: You have to find out who you are, and be that. You have to decide what comes first, and do that. You have to discover your strengths, and use them. You have to learn not to compete with others, Because no one else is in the contest of *being you*.

Then: You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness. You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions. You will have learned to live with your limitations. You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due. And you'll be a most vital mortal.

Dare To Believe: That you are a wonderful, unique person. That you are a once-in-all-history event. That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are. That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish. And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.

From the wonderful blog of what is love?

The part that mentions that no one else is in contest of *being you* really inspired me to put this lovely article up. To a certain extent, I have never felt confident of the self in me and I guess, this article serves as a good stepping stone in trying to see myself in a different light again..

PS: Esther ^^ I remember you got this on yr blog as well. So, 要加油！！~~

The Serenity Prayer

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 08:22:53 GMT

May God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change;

Courage to change the things you can;

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as you would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right, if you surrender to His will.

That you may be reasonably happy in this life,

and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Source: AA Recovery, wikipedia